Ik was pas mijn harddisk een beetje aan het opschonen en kwam het volgende tekstje tegen en heb weer kostelijk gelachen:

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Welfare Letters
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The following sentences were taken from actual letters received by the
Illinois Welfare Department in application for financial support:

   * I am forwarding a marriage certificate and six children. I have seven,
     one died, which are baptised on a half piece of paper.

   * I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two
     years old. When do I get the money.

   * Mrs. Jones has had no clothes for a year, and has been visited
     regularly by the preacher.

   * I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?

   * I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

   * This my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

   * Please find out for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living
     with can’t eat or do anything until he knows.

   * I am very annoyed to find out you branded my son illiterate. This is a
     dirty lie, as I was married a week before he was born.

   * I answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10
     pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

   * I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 5 children, one of which is
     a mistake as you can see.

   * My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago, and I haven’t had my
     relief since.

   * Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead
     an immorral life.

   * You changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make a difference?

   * I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day
     and night.

   * In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in
     the enclosed envelope.

   * I want money quickly as I can get it. I have been in bed with the
     doctor for two weeks, and he doesn’t do any good. If things don’t
     improve I will have to get another doctor to help him.

                               Source unknown

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These are extracts from genuine letters from tenants sent to Manchester City
Council (Repairs Division):

   * I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put
     his foot in the hole in his back passage.

   * This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next
     door.

   * The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing
     balls on the roof.

   * The toilet is cracked, where do I stand?

   * I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

   * I’m still having trouble with the smoke in my built-in drawers.

   * I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

   * Our lavatory seat has broken in half and is now in three pieces.

   * I want some repairs doing to my cooker, as it has backfired and burnt
     its knob off.

   * The toilet is blocked and I can’t bath the children until it is mended.

   * The person next door has a large erection in his back garden which is
     unsightly and dangerous.

   * Will you please send someone around to mend our broken path, yesterday
     my wife tripped and fell on it and now she is pregnant.

   * Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a
     third, so will you please send someone round to do something about it.

   * Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour
     and not fit to drink.